Few conversations in life are more difficult than asking your spouse for a divorce. Whether a complete surprise or expected, the finality of a divorce can be a difficult topic to discuss. There are some tips that can help to better ensure the conversation goes smoothly. These include beginning the conversation in a calm setting, being direct, and knowing the basics of the legalities of the process.
#1: Choose your setting wisely.
Psychology experts recommend finding a quiet and private location to have the conversation. Avoid bringing up divorce or separation as part of an argument. Instead, enter the conversation with the intention of discussing the divorce. If you have children, try to have this conversation when they are not present.
#2: Be direct.
It is often helpful to be honest and direct with your intention. If you want a separation to think about the relationship, clearly ask for this option. If you are already clear in your intention to get a divorce, then let your spouse know.
#3: Know the legalities.
You do not need to get a law degree but it is helpful to know the basics. Divorce is a creature of state law, so the particulars will vary depending on your state. Knowing the basics about the big issues can help you have a fruitful conversation. In Pennsylvania, the following generally holds true:
- Child custody. Parents will need to address the physical and legal custody of any children. Ultimately, the courts aim to provide what is in the best interest of the children.
- Asset division. The courts aim for an equitable division of assets. They will take various factors into consideration including the length of the marriage as well as the age and health of each party when making their determination.
- Child support. The state wants each parent to contribute financially to the upbringing of their children. This can mean that one parent will need to provide funds to the other parent to help cover costs related to parenting.
The particulars of your specific situation will impact how the divorce moves forward. If, for example, both parties are able to come up with a child custody arrangement they agree to the court will likely support this agreement. If not, the court may put together an arrangement on your behalf.
Although not easy, preparation can help you to have more control over the course of the conversation. Knowing the basics of how your state handles divorce, being direct, and having the conversation in a private area can help you start the separation process.
